Woodstock Music & Yoga! VegFest! Fall Residency! Private online concert for Kickstarter & Patreon. August 2019 News

Hello dear friends and gracious music lovers.  


I hope this note finds you doing wonderfully and enjoying the summer so much,  whether that be running around wildly fitting it in,  or slowing down and beaching,  or a little of both.  

It’s 4:30 on Thursday,  I’ve brewed a french press of coffee, and ready to see some art tonight with an old friend.  Been biking almost everywhere that I can,  and getting ready ready ready for a busy fall of shows … 

As you know,  the album is finished and we are searching for a good home for it.  My manager has been reaching out to contacts to see about timing of release and good fits on record labels.  This is very nervewracking for me.  All of my other 7 albums have been self released,  so relinquishing control in this way has been full of interesting inner turmoil.  But I trust his good taste and excellent connections!  And trust that it is all in good time,  and also know that I can self release if we don’t find a good fit.  So,  it’s all good!  LOL

And now, an invitation!!!


All Kickstarter supporters and Patreon subscribers are all INVITED to a private house concert from the comfort of your own computer!

Tomorrow,  Friday 8/9 at 6pm CST,  internet willing (mine is kinda funky!),  I’ll be performing a private house concert on Concert Window for all current Kickstarter and Patreon supporters.  I’ll sing a bunch of new songs off the album and some Woodstock covers that I’m prepping for a yoga class I’ll be serenading next weekend (see below)!  

Would so love for you to be consider checking out my Patreon if you haven’t already — and if you recently supported my last Kickstarter campaign,  I just sent the email to link to the concert and will send one again before showtime … 

ABOUT PATREON: 
Do you like subscribing to magazines? Or Spotify? Or XM radio? Or Netflix?  What if there was a way to subscribe to an artist DIRECTLY and cut out the middleman? Think back: Were you ever part of a fan club or maybe still are? Do you love being privy to the new stuff, the backstage, the bloopers? THIS IS THE WAY! 

Back in the day,  Kings and priests and the rich-y rich would become become patrons of artists.  They would hire them to create (think Michelangelo and Da Vinci).  This is KIND of like that,  except you’re giving the artist full creative control.  I think this sort of patron-artist relationship is kind of like dating.  😉  You give,  I give,  we get along,  I continue to amuse you,  make fun things,  serenade you … and at any point that you find you are sick of me,  you can bow out!  HA!  OR,  you could stay in the relationship and watch it change and grow.  We can learn from each other.  We can evolve together!  Kinda cheesy,  but true.  Kind of like Kickstarter/crowdfunding for support on one big project,  with Patreon can offer continuous support/patronage,  you choose the amount you are comfortable with giving per “month” and can cap that amount according to your budget, and you can change that amount or unsubscribe at ANY TIME,  no obligation,  I won’t even cry (well,  maybe I will …) 

If you like more interaction / emails,  poetry,  and fun mail and want to stay connected more – Patreon is so awesome.  I have a small posse of 17 right now that are in the club and I’d love for you to check it out.  Rock goddess Amanda Palmer says of Patreon: “if you still aren’t a patron, please join us. there is no other way, in today’s music business, that we could make non-commercial art this ambitious. we. are. the. media.”  Check out my Patreon account at Patreon.com/marybue

TWO MORE ASKS: 

One of the things messing with my ego is the amount of “likes” and “subscribers” that record labels look for when looking to sign an artist.  If you could all kindly “like” and “subscribe” to my facebook and YouTube platforms,  that would fucking rule.  

facebook.com/marybuemusic

YouTube.com/maryebue

I wrote a song that was on the B sides for Kickstarter supporters: “my ego is huge / my ego is bruised / my ego is huge / my ego is bruised / can’t take it anywhere / it’s on its worst behavior … ” LOL!  My ego inflates like a little red balloon and makes a happy squeal each time a like or subscribe gets clicked.  Feed my head!  HA!  And go like and subscribe to all the artists that you enjoy while you’re at it!

That’s enough of this self promotion. LOTS OF LOVE!  Stay in touch!  Always humbled in gratitude.  XOXO MARY 

GIGS: 

8/16 Woodstock Anniversary Celebration – Yoga w/ Meghan Foley + Music by me & Jeremy Ylvisaker (woodstock covers!) – Yess Yoga – YessYogaStudio.com

8/26 Zeitgeist Teatro Zuccone – Duluth w/ Venus DeMars & Di Jay “Coctails and Conversation” hosted by Christine Dean from KUMD,  sponsored by Feminist Action Collective (solo)

9/11 Lowertown Farmers Market 11:30am (Trio w/ Steve Price & Jeremy Ylvisaker)

9/15 Twin Cities Veg Fest – Harriet Island Park – 2:30pm-ish (solo) 

9/18 Hook & Ladder Mission Room Fall Residency – 7pm 

Throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks

It’s a gorgeous visual, isn’t it — throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. That sticky shit, that mess! That’s life! Or the story of my life, anyway. What is to follow is a bit of an un-tamed self help blog, full of unsolicited advice, impatience, and wily twists and turns with the following themes:

  • Follow Your Bliss
  • If you’re miserable, quit
  • Start before you’re ready
  • You are the only YOU
  • Prepare for death
  • Be kind, be responsible, but do what you want/love.

Read on with a little soundtrack!


follow your bliss

My general formula for my students is “Follow your bliss.” Find where it is, and don’t be afraid to follow it … if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.– Joseph Campbell

I learned that incredible quote in my college days by one of my fave professors Dr. Bud McClure in Transpersonal Psychology. While I wanted SO BADLY to drop out of college and just “do” music (whatever that means), I stayed on and gleaned some nuggets like that aforementioned quote.

I just wanted to travel, sit in cafes and journal and read, practice yoga, and make music and paintings for hours alone in my room. I wanted to hear music, I wanted to be in nature, I wanted to be with inspiring and friendly humans, I wanted to see the world. How to do all of this? It’s taken a long time to get to where I am …

If you’re miserable, quit

Do you stick around in the grind for so long that it sucks your soul? Why? Kids? Mortgage? Student loans? Just asking, no judgement.

Many a friend of mine would say that perhaps I’m impulsive or can’t stick around for long. In staying in one place for too long, in relationships. Fast moving. But there are a few things I’ve tried that have stayed constant. They are music and yoga. I have been singing my whole life, playing instruments since 4th grade, and started performing and recording original music in my late teens. Yoga came in through a side door when I was taking Tai Kwon Do in 7th grade – the guided meditation and visualization before our form practice and sparring struck a chord and then I found an article about yoga in Seventeen magazine and was hooked. Been teaching now since 2009.

I organized a life where I was not tied down at ALL. No kids. No house. Tried being married but it all fell apart. I wanted to leave space for the big musical break … or the night in shining armor. I decided that if something was sucking my soul, I would change and seek something new … because we never know when we are going to die. This lifestyle, admittedly, isn’t for everyone. If you have children, if you have student loan debt, if you are taking care of sick family member, if you struggle with mental illness.

And so, while some jobs had me coming back because they were easy and forgiving of my travels and tours, others would lose me for their demands (my one desk job was as a clinical research assistant at Rhode Island Hospital & Cranston prison in a Substance Abuse Research Unit – researching HIV risk behavior and its link to drugs, sex, and alcohol use – implementing therapists in the prison to see if motivational interviews would reduce risk behavior … fascinating work that spoke to my psych degree, but i couldn’t hack the office life at that time. So I booked a music tour to Austin and New Orleans and kept slinging coffee and waiting tables …

I was always SO worried about what my life’s calling was. Am I living my true purpose on this earth? My divine plan?

The feelings that drove me to frustration and despair in my work life, whether it be a barista, or providing clean needles to addicts at needle exchanges, to serving booze to Seattle-ites, to singing at weddings and funerals, to eventually owning and running my own little yoga studio – everything I did called for reflection and wondering – how much energy is this taking? Am I miserable? Is someone else better suited for this work? If the answers leaned to the negative, I quit. I take the risk and quit. We serve no one by being miserable. We serve no one by complaining all the goddamn time. What good does it do except drag everyone around us down? Seek the things that energize you and fire you up. It may take time to uncover, but you might just enjoy your life more.

What fires you up? What are you really excited about? What do you keep coming back to? How can you make more of THAT part of your life?

For me, again, it has been music, yoga, travel. I’m so thrilled to launch my retreat business, as this is a synthesis of ALL of that! (Wanna join us in Grand Marais and Bali??? Check them out here!)

Soaking up the magic in hot springs along the Rio Grande

Start before you’re ready

I hear this in the entrepreneur podcasts and blogs I read and listen to. If we strive to make things absolutely perfect before they launch, they may never get launched. If we aim to please every goddamn person with our work, we realize we never will nor should we (and it never gets launched). If we feel like we aren’t ready or a fraud to do the thing we really want to do, we may never do it. Trust that there is beginner’s luck, like the Fool in the tarot. We learn by doing. Start before you’re ready. Learn as you go.

YOU are the only YOU

There is no other collection of cells / memories / sound vibrations / likes / dislikes / quirky smile / weird cartoon voice / unusual talents / etc. that is like you. YOU take up just as much space as everyone else on the planet (and yes we are overcrowded, but we still are HERE and all equally deserve to be here). As Marianne Williamson famously says:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

‘Nuff said.

Prepare for death

This may seem morbid but having witnessed deaths in my young adult life — or dare i say, midlife — ultimately we only have this brief blip on the planet in our unique form to do what we really love. If we are feeling shitty, if we are around people that make us feel shitty, if we are consistently telling ourselves and other people around us negative things, then it is time to seek help. It is time to dig into your insurance policy and see if therapy is included in that plan, and it should be. MAYBE it takes medication to bring our hormones and brain chemistry into a healthy cycle. Maybe we need to physically move away from harm, away from unhealthy patterns so that we can start fresh. Maybe we need to take a new commute to work, or better yet – walk, ride your bike, or ride public transportation to be in the fresh air, to be around other human beings.

Sacred Cremations along the River Ganges / Manikarnika Ghat / Varanasi, India

We are sensory beings, and our emotions are here to help us to grow and learn. There will always be suffering. There will always be misunderstanding. How does that feel in our body? Can we talk about it? Can we write about it? Can we be in a safe space to feel through it? This may all sound ethereal and euphemistic as fuck, but I truly believe that we are here on this earth to learn, to grow, to become the fullest expression of ourselves, and to love and enjoy ourselves. This has taken me to antidepressants, years of studying yoga, therapy (and yes, now too!), forcing myself to eat fresh produce and exercise.

And we will all die. We will watch people and beings we love die. There is not a goddamn thing we can do about it. So how can we make our lives on this earth as beautiful as possible? Talk to your therapist, bestie, or journal about it.

Be kind, be responsible, but do what you want/love.

When I feel myself going down the negative spiral, when I feel the gossip come on, when I feel the jealousy, when I feel the grind of competition and fear and inadequacy, I have sometime stayed there and binge ate, drank too much, cried, or moved across the country. Now I try and listen. These negative voices all point to desires. For what we so desperately want but aren’t experiencing / can’t have. The teachings of yoga have helped me to see these negative emotions AND desires as clouds in the sky, just passing though, and yet always arising … kind of like a game of psychic whack-a-mole

http://smallanswers.us/egowhackamole/

If we all could carve out some time in the day, even if we are going to jobs that we hate, to do something good for ourselves. Eat nourishing food. Have some sex. Take a run. Journal. Meditate. Even 5-10 minutes a day that is completely YOURS helps to begin to craft the day you dream of. What is it they say, the pyramids of Giza weren’t built in a day? (or install any human-made wonder of the world). Just as WE weren’t built in a day. We were tiny babies. Now grown up. We took a life to fill ourselves with experiences. We are what we eat. We are what we think. We are what we do. Be kind, be responsible, but do what you want / love.

So much love, Mary

Thank you for reading!!! If you like my words / music / poems / art, I’d be so grateful for your support on Patreon! $1 / month does SO much to support a sustainable artist life. Check that out here!

Online diary: thoughts about being a vegan human, yogi, and musician

Please enjoy this blog (or online diary!) with a soundtrack! Click play to listen above 🙂

I was recently out to dinner with some loved ones (all omnivores) in a hip, busy new restaurant in a midwestern state. There was a cauliflower steak with mediterranean orzo on the menu. I asked the server if it was vegan and was assured that it was. When all the food arrived, my plate definitely had cheese alll over in it. I had to send it back — much to my dismay because part of why I am vegan is to not waste food (I’m sure someone in the kitchen ate it). The gathering got quiet and super awkward. When my food finally arrived 10 minutes later, there was the cauliflower steak with a blob of white rice on the plate. Nothing else. All white. $17. To fill the void I said, “I know you all think I’m crazy, but I’ve been vegan for 6 years and just don’t want to kill things.” More silence (more on this later!) A few minutes later, someone dear to me starts talking about how they are a member of a CARNIVORE CLUB at a butcher shop, how they “save big if they buy big.” I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and bawled my head off.

I’ve been vegan coming up on 6 years. Veganism means choosing to abstain from consuming or supporting animal products including meat, dairy, poultry, and fish, purchasing leather goods or other clothing & accessory items that have animal products in them, and taking good care to make sure that my products are vegan and not tested on animals.

During this time, I’ve run a marathon, opened and closed a yoga studio and continued to teach yoga throughout, completed 300 additional hours of yoga teacher certification, traveled to Bali and India, recorded and released a few albums and did a bit of solo / duo touring around the country, and have stayed / stabilized at my current weight in a healthy BMI pretty range much the entire time – definitely not wasting away. My energy stays consistent to fuel all of my work and activities and my relationship with food went from disordered (struggled with some binge / purge behaviors in my young adulthood …) to pretty loving of my body and my diet.

My reasons for transitioning to veganism are a trifecta: for the animals, for the environment, and for my health. During the winter of 2013, I geeked out on numerous documentaries that both terrified and saddened me regarding the state of the planet and the horrors of factory farming. Also for health reasons – how living a plant based lifestyle can be very anti-inflammatory which is great for recovering from exercise (i recovered quickly from my marathon training!), great for heart health, good for the skin and bones.

Back to the dinner party

So there I am, a 38 year old woman, bawling in the bathroom about my seventeen dollar cauliflower steak … but really I was bawling with the conflict of 1) how can I not stand up for myself 2) why don’t restaurants get it? train their staff about these things? 3) why did i speak in such a shaming way to my loved ones, as they are all eating dead animals? 4) why did someone start talking about a carnivore club just moments after i announced that i’ve been vegan for 6 years? … There is some deep psychological stuff going on here, or maybe it’s just the elephant in the room and someone was looking for something to talk about and that was the first thing that came to mind? Regardless, it is SO clear to me that this lifestyle is super important to me and I have to find ways to be stronger about it, and present it in the loving and beautiful way that I feel about it.

Veganism is not doom and gloom

There are many protesters and activists (thank you!) who fight for animal rights front and center. I protest animal cruelty with what I buy or don’t buy, with the music that I write, and also weave ahimsa into yoga classes that I teach. When I owned Imbue Yoga Studio we hosted Plant Based Yoga classes – a yoga asana class followed by a compassion meditation (tonglen) and then a vegan potluck. Ahimsa means non-harming. When paired with Satya – truthfulness – it is sharing a compassionate truth. The truth is, there is SO much suffering and harm done in the current state of our food system. How can we be compassionate when faced with so many horrors, both in the animal and the human world? And yet how can we tell the truth about it, while still honoring each other?

When I say to a table of people eating meat that I don’t want to kill things, there is some shaming going on. Yes it is bold, and it gets people to think, however those people also might want to kill me. How could I have handled that better? I’m going to talk to my therapist about it … I want to be a light and an example of fun and love and health when regarding my veganism. I want to show how easy it is to do this. But I also hope for people to consider where their food is coming from, and all that it takes to arrive on a plate, in a leather belt, in a down comforter, in a bottle of lotion.

And yet I also have compassion, as I was not fully vegan until I was 31 years old. It was a long journey of learning for me, and it is still unfolding … and I’m proud to be me and I don’t need to go cry about it in some restaurant bathroom. WOW!

And so, I would like to share some resources!!

The Physician’s Committee for Responsible Medicine has some great vegan kick-start resources. Download recipe and meal plan ideas here!

A typical day of eating in my world looks like this – a few sample meals:

  • banana or apple + peanut butter or oatmeal w/ maple syrup + soy milk + hemp or chia seeds
  • salads with kale, peppers, tomatoes, avocado, nuts, beans like chickpeas or black beans
  • burritos with tons of beans, maybe a nut based cheese, onions, guacamole, salsa, rice … or a curry with potatoes, tofu, broccoli … or vegetable stir fries with seitan (wheat gluten / mock duck) and rice or quinoa …

Some cookbooks that I love are Eat Feel Fresh by Sahara Rose, The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone (yes, the actress!), Mistress Ginger Cooks by Mistress Ginger / Justin Leaf, and so many more are coming out allll the time. Minneapolis is SUCH a hotspot for plant based eats, too. If you live here or are visiting anytime soon, check out Fig + Farro, Trio Plant Based, J. Selby’s, Vegan East and some other spots that aren’t totally vegan have wonderful options: Pizza Luce (their rinotta for pizza is SO YUM), The Howe, and many asian restaurants have vegan options – get tofu or mock duck and you are golden.

Happy Cow is a great app / website for finding vegan spots wherever you live. And Barnivore is great for finding vegan alcohol. Yes, sometimes egg whites or fish bladder are used as filtering agents. WUT NOW???

What to wear to the show

I used to love leather boots and jackets. Over time, I felt terrible about it. Wearing a dead animal around felt like such a heavy weight to me. I now even seek out vegan running shoes. How weird, that even running shoes wouldn’t be vegan!

I just did a purge of some lingering items and they await for proper burial and release in the garage, waiting there like sad ghosts. Some of you may agree and some may disagree, but rather than give away the items to goodwill or pass along to friends as I used to do, I’d like to have a ritual to honor the creature in a big ceremonial fire. So, if you’re having a fire soon, let me know. It may seem wasteful, however to wear these items means to perpetuate the use of animals for clothing — people might like what you’re wearing and want to go buy it for themselves and demand creates supply and then more beings are harmed in the making. There are so many cruelty free designers of shoes, clothes, bags, and gorgeous things. Here is a blog about 10 of them, including Stella McCartney.

What to put in the rider

Here is a fun blog about How to survive tour as a vegan musician by Chris Rookie. I’m just about to talk to my manager about updating my rider to include things like no bottled water or single use plastic items like plastic plates or forks, as well as providing vegan snacks like nuts, fruit, clif bars, hummus. When I tour I always bring food. Pack a cooler and have lots of those previously mentioned items on hand. Checking those apps like Happy Cow and Barnivore help with dining out and vegan booze.

How to carry on with love

I’m in recovery from trying to make everyone like and love me. Hence the shame and running for cover when faced with conflict. Hence pouring my heart into art because I need a platform to express it since I sometimes haven’t been able to speak for shyness. It is a privilege to have the options in the United States of America to speak our truth, and to have choices – SO MANY CHOICES of what to eat, what to buy, what to wear, and who to love. I am grateful every day for this freedom. Because I have so many options, I choose to do the least harm. I want to do this without shaming people, I want to shine light on dark truths to ultimately lift us up into a more compassionate, cruelty free world. Thank you for reading. Thank you for moving in any direction that leads you towards less harm, more compassion, and more love for yourself, your neighbor, and all of the beings winged, four legged, finned, and feathered. Namaste!

If you enjoyed this blog, please share with your friends 💘 If you would like to support my work in the world, I have a small and mighty online community with Patreon that gets exclusive content and utmost gratitude. Check it out here to join! Patreon.com/marybue

Courage to be you

I recently reached out to friends on social media for blogging prompts. What follows in the coming weeks will be responses to all of those amazing suggestions & questions. THANK YOU!!! I plan to release a blog every Monday or Tuesday. Fingers crossed for consistency! Here goes nothing / everything! Please enjoy with an angsty rock soundtrack 🙂

“I find you to be inspired and self motivated to just walk through life and take on new challenges.  How do you do that? I’d love to know your inner process because I’m sure it takes courage to be you. Share the courage with the world!”

I’d first like to respond to this delightful and — dare I say — flattering question with a quote by Brené Brown:

Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.”

I often don’t feel very courageous … or even strong. For much of my youth / young adult life I felt vulnerable, swayed by peer pressures and the insecure desire to be liked. However, looking back, above all I have followed my heart and its yearnings, sometimes to my detriment.

A privileged, middle class white girl growing up in small town midwestern America to parents who are still alive and together, my childhood was somewhat provincial, safe, and supported. We never moved when I was growing up. I think that this stable background really did set me up for feeling safe to act out my heart’s desires. I would say that part of my urge to go out and get it came from boredom from small town livin’ and a deep curiosity to see the big world out there.

photo by Jason Huntzinger

In 11th grade I was urged by my German teacher, Frau Siewert, to become an exchange student in Germany. She all but signed the papers for me, I feel like she organized it so well. I think her wise eyes could see that I was falling into some troubles. I loved raves and would often drive with my friends an hour into the city (my hometown had 4,000 people in the middle of forests and cornfields) to go to parties. I think my teacher could see the path I was heading down and I hand it to her for helping me away from it. Not that raves or clubbing is bad, but I was getting pretty wild with it! So when I was 16, I flew to Tübingen in the state of Baden Württemburg with just a few years of high school Deutsch under my belt. It was terrifying. Thankfully my exchange partner was incredible and became a dear friend. But I was very shy and a perfectionist and could barely speak German without turning beet red. And yet, thus began the desire to travel, which truly has been a guiding light in my life.

Fast forward many years later. I got a bachelor’s in Psychology. Studied and taught yoga intensely for 10+ years and got my 500 hours of teacher trainings. I’ve moved to the east coast, the west coast, a 9 month stint in England and some time in New Mexico, Duluth 4x’s, and Minneapolis twice. I only had a “straight job” once – a clinical research assistant at Rhode Island Hospital and prison – and realized that while I was rapt & interested to interview inmates about their substance abuse and sex lives, I surely didn’t like data entry. So I quit and booked my first month long music tour from Rhode Island to Austin, Texas and back (this was 2004, before google and smart phones). Many small music tours followed, and 7 albums have been independently released since 2000. In my recent past I also opened, and closed, a small yoga studio in Minneapolis.

I question if all of this moving around and changing my focus has been courageous, or driven by fear of that early boredom, or fear of intimacy, or fear of planting roots, fear of becoming “normal.” Every time I moved, it seemed like my music career was JUST getting a foothold and some recognition and then I had to start ALL over. Same with yoga – starting to teach in Seattle, then Duluth, now Minneapolis and with each new move starting from scratch. I wonder if there weren’t some threads of self-sabotage or fear of success in there … or fear of failure might be more like it. My motivations were cloudy, sometimes impulsive and whimsical, or driven by crushes and relationships, but truly above all, there has been a deep desire to see more of this world, and meet more of the world’s people.

These words by Chani Nicholas ring SO true: “Being afraid is no excuse for not trying. Being inexperienced is no reason not to go to the lengths we must to get a little time in the saddle. Being green and growing is far more powerful than sitting on the sidelines, choking with envy.”

I’ve always been uninterested in committing to a stable job or going to grad school because I want to keep space open for music and art to take its course. Opening and running the yoga studio was about the most rooted thing I’ve done since my bachelor’s degree (and I even would leave the studio to travel as much as I could). And so, it didn’t work – probably because it wasn’t my full time passion like some people who open yoga studios have — and I leave it to them, with gratitude!

The space I leave for the songs to come is a wily thing. I want to allow room and time for inspiration to come, without forcing it. Financially, I am not at an awesome point when compared to many people my age. So part of this courage to do what I desire has to do with being okay with not having a ton of money. And also trying to find ways to make money that won’t hurt the love of my passions. When I have relied on music as my sole money maker (which I did full time for a few years), I would be playing background music in restaurants for hours and over time my soul was sucked and the love for the music would start to dissipate. I am grateful now to have a manager who controls my booking, although we have pulled back from performing so much, so I feel a little isolated these days as I’m allowing the new norm to unfold.

All of this personal life story aside, I’d like to say that all who wander are not lost. Everyone I’ve met and every place I’ve been has a part in my life story and has altered my reality. Some in harsh ways, some in gentle unfolding ways, some in big beautiful loving ways … and sometimes a little of all of these things. I was listening to an Oprah Super Soul podcast featuring Marianne Williamson who said she prefers to think that she is a wave amongst many waves all in one big ocean, rather than a wave alone in the ocean that can be dissolved and crushed by the others. Our actions, our paths, our unfoldings all intersect and ring out into distant edges unknown.

I used to be frozen by indecision and anxiety. Never knowing what my true life purpose was, what my calling was, what I am meant to do on this earth. I sunk into deep depressions that therapy helped to even out eventually with some SSRI’s and talking. Now I’m trying things and seeing what works, and if it feels too hard and starts to create pain and suffering and anguish like the pursuit of a successful career in music (aka fame) sometimes has, I back off and follow a path that feels healing, like how yoga has been to me. When the yoga studio started to kill my love for teaching, and was draining my savings and I was in the red, I let it go and went back to just teaching for other studios. I will sit in discomfort for awhile as I know that often is what makes us grow, but I have no tolerance to hang out there for too long as the angst and sorrow from perceived failures has a negative ripple effect on all aspects – health, community, cosmos. And so, I let go.

To wrap up, I’d like to leave a few things that have worked for me in being self motivated and feeling like I can pursue new things:

  • having support to talk things through: family, therapist, lover, friends
  • a spiritual practice that involves witnessing the mind (meditation, mantra, asana, pranayama, journaling/morning pages)
  • researching before leaping into something new – i am a book junkie and google is my friend
  • talking with others in the field i’m interested in (i always offer to pay to pick people’s brains because their time and history is valuable)
  • solitude to reflect
  • gratitude for all that has brought me to this moment, good and bad

Thank you for this beautiful question – I love you! And thanks for reading, friends. I wish all of you the heart to follow your passions and let go of that which is causing you anguish. I wish you beautiful, fulfilling lives! Big love, Mary

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Settling into the new norm: travel stories, recording update, Homegrown Fest Recap, and Upcoming Creativity + Yoga Retreat in Bali

Hello friends! This is gonna be a kind of long blog – a synthesis / digest of the last few email newsletters (please sign up for the newsletter here if you’d like an email from me once a month or so)! Feel free to skim to what interests you!!!

I spent the month of March 2019 traveling in Bali, Indonesia and a few cities in India.  I’d been home just a weeks when I wrote this … and honestly felt a bit in a cloud.  So much to process.  This was not a “vacation” per se,  but kind of an adventure travel,  cultural experience,  spiritual pilgrimage, and most definitely an escape from winter.  

Mary Bue Minneapolis Songwriter

This year was amazing and crazy! Thank you for being part of it! … December newsletter

Hi, dear music lover!

WOW it’s been an amazing 2017.  I am blown away that it is nearing the end.  I hope this note finds you doing so well,  having a moment to take a deep breath or two or three,  spend time with people and animals that you love,  be in nature,  be in the city,  be in your home,  be in your body.

I am above all super grateful that you have stuck with me,  heard my songs and followed along,  came to shows,  supported my kickstarter(s),  shared my music with friends,  and yes,  even listened on spotify (yes,  I have come around to loving spotify.  Follow here!)

As the Andrew Gold / The Golden Girls would sing,

“Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down a road and back again
Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant
I’m not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow”

Majesty of Beasts Poem

 

 Hi! I’d like to share with you the poem that became the lyrics to the title track of my last musical project “The Majesty of Beasts.” This song is about the beauty of the earth and its beings. It’s about humans wanting pretty things on their walls and in their bellies so much that we are devastating our beautiful home. It’s about violence. It’s about love. It’s about evolving beyond greed and recognizing the majesty of the earth so much that we can just let it be majestic … (There is also a reference to The Walking Dead, which I am obsessed with – but I’m behind in the series cuz I only have watched it on Netflix. It’s killing me!!)

Mary Bue Minneapolis Singer Songwriter

Dreams of Babies

Last night I dreamt that I was super pregnant and about to have a baby. I was in the hospital with a sweet partner and my parents were there and it was ON.  I woke up from this dream bawling my head off.  WTF?

Why was I bawling? Because  I’m 36 and no baby in sight,  don’t know if it’s even possible? I don’t think that’s it —  Babies haven’t always been a dream of mine,  always a little indifferent about having one until recently when I’ve fallen in love with my friends’ kids and had inklings of how amazing it would be to have one.  Later on in this day I went running 16 miles to train for a marathon and had a beer with my friend, and have been geeking out at the computer doing work for hours.  I could not have this freedom with a newborn, no siree.

I’ve had baby dreams before.  Usually these babies are tiny,  smaller than the palm of my hand.  In one dream I carried the baby around in a teacup,  in another I kept her safe in a cough drop wrapper.  In one dream she was in a glowing orb of white light.

 

I’ve written about my musical projects as babies before as well.  Things to be protected in utero but released and let go to find their own ways in the world.

In real talk,  I’ve been depressed and heartbroken.  I’ve been working through heavy heart stuff and feeling like my life is sort of pointless.  I feel like I’ve been fucked with and rattled around a lot this past year.  I played a part in this,  and trying to stay strong.  The world is in such pain;  our country is a total shitshow.  It’s appalling.  So do we stay depressed?  Or do we take action?  Do we melt in paralysis of fear,  not leaving the house,  not looking for love,  avoiding being big & living out loud for fear of offending some lurking evil,  sometimes as close to heart as friends or lovers?

What I’m taking from this dream is that I’ve got all these unborn babies waiting to see the light of day,  ideas and songs and books and blogs and paintings and poems.  If I sit paralyzed in fear and pain all I’m gonna do is stuff myself with vegan quesadillas and gain 20 pounds back and cry in a corner.  I’m sick of it.  Real or imagined babies need us to do the work of making this planet more beautiful.  With our art,  with our action,  with our hope,  with our compassion.  With community,  with peaceful gatherings,  with conversations,  with healthy boundaries,  with deep solitude,  with therapy,  with poetry,  with film,  with song.  No more time to waste moping.  May your babies real or dreamy sleep sweetly tonight …

Painting of Tori Amos by Mary 😉