Last night I dreamt that I was super pregnant and about to have a baby. I was in the hospital with a sweet partner and my parents were there and it was ON. I woke up from this dream bawling my head off. WTF?
Why was I bawling? Because I’m 36 and no baby in sight, don’t know if it’s even possible? I don’t think that’s it — Babies haven’t always been a dream of mine, always a little indifferent about having one until recently when I’ve fallen in love with my friends’ kids and had inklings of how amazing it would be to have one. Later on in this day I went running 16 miles to train for a marathon and had a beer with my friend, and have been geeking out at the computer doing work for hours. I could not have this freedom with a newborn, no siree.
I’ve had baby dreams before. Usually these babies are tiny, smaller than the palm of my hand. In one dream I carried the baby around in a teacup, in another I kept her safe in a cough drop wrapper. In one dream she was in a glowing orb of white light.
I’ve written about my musical projects as babies before as well. Things to be protected in utero but released and let go to find their own ways in the world.
In real talk, I’ve been depressed and heartbroken. I’ve been working through heavy heart stuff and feeling like my life is sort of pointless. I feel like I’ve been fucked with and rattled around a lot this past year. I played a part in this, and trying to stay strong. The world is in such pain; our country is a total shitshow. It’s appalling. So do we stay depressed? Or do we take action? Do we melt in paralysis of fear, not leaving the house, not looking for love, avoiding being big & living out loud for fear of offending some lurking evil, sometimes as close to heart as friends or lovers?
What I’m taking from this dream is that I’ve got all these unborn babies waiting to see the light of day, ideas and songs and books and blogs and paintings and poems. If I sit paralyzed in fear and pain all I’m gonna do is stuff myself with vegan quesadillas and gain 20 pounds back and cry in a corner. I’m sick of it. Real or imagined babies need us to do the work of making this planet more beautiful. With our art, with our action, with our hope, with our compassion. With community, with peaceful gatherings, with conversations, with healthy boundaries, with deep solitude, with therapy, with poetry, with film, with song. No more time to waste moping. May your babies real or dreamy sleep sweetly tonight …
Painting of Tori Amos by Mary 😉
I just crested staying over two months in Taos, New Mexico as an Artist in Residence at the Wurlitzer Foundation. A few days after I arrived here I sought out the Devisadero Loop Trail, a section / foothill of the Sangre de Cristo mountains. It begins around 7,000 feet above sea level and makes its way to 8,300 feet. Needless to say, my Minnesota lungs were winded. I was such a PILE on the first hike. Took me 2.5-3 hours and I was exhausted on those early days of being here. Now I’m run/hiking it, and just had my best time at 1:10.
“Devisadero” has a few searchable meanings – could be from the Spanish word for ‘division.’ The forest service says it means “lookout place” and that “the peak had once been used by the Taos Pueblo Indians to stand guard against the Apaches who would come down Taos Canyon to raid the Pueblo.” Or it might be from the word divisar, meaning similarly ‘to gaze at something from a distance.’
“When you openly, radically trust people, they not only take care of you, they become your allies, your family.” – Amanda Palmer
**Originally posted in January 2015. Amanda Palmer was just in Minneapolis for a solo show last night and I SO hoped to go but was teaching, and also turned down a gig of my own … ah LIFE! I support her art & writing on Patreon — she is an inspiring, motivated, STRONG woman. We need those! I just started re-reading her book “The Art of Asking” this week AND I’ve launched another crowdfunding project for my new EP “The Majesty of Beasts”, so I’m getting back in the spirit of “asking.” Here’s the re-posted blog! THANK YOU FOR READING!
Amanda Palmer is a force to be reckoned with. I first learned of her wily charms from her duo The Dresden Dolls and from afar have followed her marriage to the rad author Neil Gaiman, her solo career on the ukelele, her SMASHING Kickstarter success of over 1.2 million dollars and her celebrated TED talk reflecting on her life as a musician, artist and live statue called “The 8 foot Bride.”
****** Follow up to this – this band no longer exists! Apparently we did have some trouble brewing 😉 Awwww band drama. However I have a great new line up (Zac stayed!). And these tips are still valid for the touring musician. 😉 ****************
How to get your band from Duluth to Nashville to record for two days without killing each other
I’m embellishing of course! I didn’t exactly TAKE my band against their will! I invited them to come and record four songs with me at an awesome studio in Nashville called Welcome to 1979. In 2014 I won a prize of one free day of recording from their Battle of the Bands thing and wanted to cash in on it! April seemed like a good month to go. Not as risky driving from northern Minnesota and wouldn’t we all like to get away from the mud and muck and end of winter drear? And isn’t this a dream come true for a lot of musicians???! Wasn’t too hard to convince them it would be fun. 🙂
I hope the end of March is inspiring some roaring in YOU like the lion it is running out with! It’s been one helluva month and I hope yours was awesome, and a little less crazy than mine! This was my email newsletter to my subscribers – thought I’d update the rest of you, too 🙂 Please sign up to never miss a beat!
Gonna keep this update quick because I’m typing with one hand! After playing the super fun & fantastic Dulutsen festival last weekend, I took advantage of one of the perks – free lift ticket! I tried snowboarding for the first time, did an awesome cartwheel, crashed down on my right shoulder and now it’s in a sling. Bad rotator cuff sprain and a bit of fractured humerus. Can’t lift my arm for 6 weeks! Just in time to record in Nashville (April 3 – 10) and open my yoga studio in Minneapolis (get the keys April 1, grand opening June 11th thankfully).
Doesn’t life have fabulous timing??? I don’t find it very humerus … get it??? Humerus instead of humorous???? Bwaaaa haa haaa